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Logan.WS / Quotes / Simpsons Quotes

Simpsons Quotes



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Funny and Memorable Quotes
500 Funny and Memorable Quotes
The Simpsons
Here are some funny quotes from the cartoon, The Simpsons, created by Matt Groening. The Simpson disfunctional family consists of Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie. The family interacts with the Flanders family next door, Moe from Moe's Tavern, and many other funny characters.


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Homer Simpson: ... it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume ...
From The Simpsons
 
Also See: Relationship Quotes
 

 
Julie Kavner (Marge Simpson): ... maybe true friends aren't random people you meet in a Mommy and Me class, they're random people you meet in a college dorm ...
From The Simpsons
 
Also See: Friendship Quotes School Quotes
 

 
Homer Simpson: ... kids, this is the holiest night of the year, tomorrow is Father's Day, and that makes tonight, Father's Day Eve ...
From The Simpsons
 
Also See: Father Quotes Father's Day Quotes Holiday Quotes
 

 
Homer Simpson: ... let me say, I have always admired the Irish, Mitt Romney, Larry Bird, and especially Mr Potato Head ...
From The Simpsons
 
Also See: Basketball Quotes Irish Quotes Political Quotes Sports Quotes
 

 
Homer Simpson: ... all my love has come back in trophy form ...
From The Simpsons
 
Also See: Love Quotes
 

 
Nancy Cartwright (Ralph Wiggum): ... ha ha ha, dying tickles ...
From The Simpsons
 
Also See: Death Quotes
 

 
Homer Simpson: ... we're gonna be rich, we'll finally be able to start a family ...
Julie Kavner (Marge Simpson): ... we have a family ...
Homer Simpson: ... a better one ...
From The Simpsons
 
Also See: Family Quotes
 

 
Homer Simpson: ... hi Lisa, feeling self conscious about your shins, in my day girls were worried about their boobs ...
Yeardley Smith (Lisa Simpson): ... Dad, I am going to play soccer ...
From The Simpsons
 
Also See: Soccer Quotes Sports Quotes
 

 
Homer Simpson: ... that was at my expense, what kind of roast is this?
From The Simpsons
 

 
Julie Kavner (Marge Simpson): ... I invited Selma here to watch Grampa watch the kids ...
Julie Kavner (Selma Bouvier): ... for some reason she doesn't trust him, maybe its the bang up job he did raising you ...
Homer Simpson: ... he was a great dad, every year he got so mad when Santa didn't bring me presents ...
From The Simpsons
 
Also See: Christmas Quotes Family Quotes Father Quotes Holiday Quotes Santa Claus Quotes
 

 
Yeardley Smith (Lisa Simpson): ... no Dad, we are supposed to conserve energy ...
Homer Simpson: ... Lisa, if we conserve energy then the environmentalists win ...
From The Simpsons
 
Also See: Father Quotes
 

 
Marcia Wallace (Edna Krabappel): ... Harry Potter, are you chewing gum?
Harry Potter: ... no mam, its brimstone ...
Marcia Wallace: ... oooh hoo hoo hoo, well wonderful ...
From The Simpsons
 
Also See: Food Quotes Harry Potter Quotes
 

 
Julie Kavner (Marge Simpson): ... how did the pig tracks get on the ceiling?
Homer Simpson: ... Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig, he does whatever Spider-Pig does ...
From The Simpsons Movie
 
Also See: Movie Quotes
 

 
Homer Simpson: ... note to self, stop doing anything ...
From The Simpsons
 

 
Yeardley Smith (Lisa Simpson): ... hi Mr Flanders, what did you get?
Nancy Cartwright (Bart Simpson): ... some Bible garbage?
Harry Shearer (Ned Flanders): ... I wish ...
From The Simpsons
 
Also See: Bible Quotes
 

 
Helen Lovejoy: ... you [Homer Simpson] are so blind even Jesus couldn't heal you ...
Harry Shearer (Reverend Lovejoy): ... honey, please don't drop the J bomb ...
From The Simpsons
 
Also See: Homer Simpson Quotes
 

 
Yeardley Smith (Lisa Simpson): ... and this website will tell you the weather ...
Julie Kavner (Marge Simpson): ... sunny ... I never have to look out the window again ...
From The Simpsons
 

 
Harry Shearer (Ned Flanders): ... and, homer, you are the worst human being I have ever met ...
Homer Simpson: ... hey, I got off easy ...
From The Simpsons
 

 
Homer Simpson: ... but I'm not a genius ... or are I?
From The Simpsons
 

 
Hank Azaria (Sea Captain): ... the Mayflower that brought prostitutes to the New World ...
Yeardley Smith (Lisa Simpson): ... the Mayflower brought Protistants, not prostitutes ...
Hank Azaria (Sea Captain): ... who is being naive now?
From The Simpsons
 

 
Homer Simpson: ... ok, it is the standard grandpa drill, everyone into the cellar ...
From The Simpsons
 
Also See: Family Quotes
 

 
Homer Simpson: ... I can't go to a gay bar, I am too fat ...
From The Simpsons
 

 
Julie Kavner (Marge Simpson): ... it is Patty that chose the life of celebisy, Selma had it thrust upon her ...
From The Simpsons
 
Also See: Life Quotes Sex Quotes
 

 
Homer Simpson: ... welcome to dumpville, population you ...
From The Simpsons
 
Also See: Break Up Quotes Relationship Quotes
 

 
Nancy Cartwright (Bart Simpson): ... Dad, I am glad you are still alive ...
Homer Simpson: ... yes, it is every parent's dream to outlive their children ...
From The Simpsons
 
Also See: Family Quotes Father Quotes Happy Quotes
 

 
Harry Shearer (Ned Flanders): ... and forgive me for the inpure thoughts I had about the girl on the raisin box ...
From The Simpsons
 

 
Harry Shearer (Ned Flanders): ... I'd feel like a caveman, if they existed ... and they didn't ...
From The Simpsons
 

 
Homer Simpson: ... mmmmm ... dougnuts ... ahhhh ...
From The Simpsons
 
Also See: Famous Quotes Food Quotes
 

 
Maude Flanders: ... I went to bible camp to learn to be more judegemental ...
From The Simpsons
 
Also See: Bible Quotes
 

 
Homer Simpson: ... well we've learned something, it is better to watch something than to do something ...
From The Simpsons
 

 
Homer Simpson: Doh!
From The Simpsons
 
Also See: Famous Quotes
 

 
Joe Mantegna (Fat Tony): ... its funny because its true ...
From The Simpsons
 
Also See: Famous Quotes
 

 
Homer Simpson: ... even Communism worked in theory, in theory ...
From The Simpsons

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Quoted People:
Adam Sandler Artie Lange Brad Pitt Catman Cohen
Chris Farley Chris Rock Christian Bale Dane Cook
Daniel Tosh David Spade Ellen Pompeo Emo Philips
Evan Esar Heath Ledger Homer Simpson Howard Stern
Johnny Depp Kristen Stewart Lisa Lampanelli
 Martin Luther King, Jr
Matt LeBlanc Mitch Hedberg Oprah Winfrey Paris Hilton
Rachael Ray Sandra Oh Steven Wright Stewie Griffin
Tracy Morgan Vince Vaughn Will Ferrell Will Smith
 William Shakespeare
     

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500 Funny and Memorable Quotes
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