| David Boreanaz (Special Agent Booth): |
|
... Valentine's Day isn't a holiday, it is made up by greeting card companies and florists ... |
| From Bones
on February 17, 2011
|
| |
| Also See: Valentine's Day Quotes |
|
| Jimmy Kimmel: |
|
... will you be blowing out the ah, the candles on the turkey tomorrow, how will it work? |
| Peter Facinelli: |
|
... ah, I'll tell you how it works, ah every 6 or 7 years my birthday falls on thanksgiving, which was really great when I was growing up because ah, the whole family is over so that they were all forced to give me gifts ... |
| From Jimmy Kimmel Live
on November 25, 2009
|
| |
| Also See: Birthday Quotes Food Quotes Talk Show Quotes Thanksgiving Quotes |
|
| David Letterman: |
|
... Sunday is April Fool's Day ... that means earlier today a confused President Bush went around the White House hiding colored eggs ... |
| From Late Show with David Letterman
|
| |
| Also See: Easter Quotes Political Quotes Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Tina Fey (Liz Lemon): |
|
... oh, speaking of Halloween, are you dressing up this year? |
| Alec Baldwin (Jack Donaghy): |
|
... Lemon, its march ... |
| Tina Fey: |
|
... cause I'm gonna be Mitt RomMummy, I call it, you can't steal it ... |
| Alec Baldwin: |
|
... why wouldn't you be Mitt Zomney? |
| Tina Fey: |
|
... cause I'm an idiot, uhh, come on Liz, think for one second before you buy all that gauze ... |
| From 30 Rock
|
| |
| Also See: Monster Quotes Political Quotes |
|
| David Letterman: |
|
... get Dad a tie for Father's Day because I don't know if you have noticed this or not but America is getting more and more formal ... |
| From Late Show with David Letterman
on June 12, 2008
|
| |
| Also See: Father Quotes Father's Day Quotes Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Jewel Kilcher: |
|
... I hate Valentine's Day ... |
| From Unknown
|
| |
| Also See: Music Quotes Valentine's Day Quotes |
|
| Tina Fey (Liz Lemon): |
|
... Valentine's Day is a sham created by card companies to reinforce and exploit gender stereotypes ... |
| From 30 Rock
on February 11, 2010
|
| |
| Also See: Valentine's Day Quotes |
|
| Brian Baumgartner (Eric): |
|
... you lie to your families on Christmas? |
| Vince Vaughn (Brad): |
|
... well you really can't spell families without lies ... |
| From Four Christmases
|
| |
| Also See: Christmas Quotes Family Quotes Movie Quotes |
|
| Howard Stern: |
|
... if you have ever been to the Vatican, the head exorcist's desk is right next to Santa Claus ... |
| From Howard Stern Show
on March 11, 2010
|
| |
| Also See: Christmas Quotes Santa Claus Quotes Talk Show Quotes |
|
| David Letterman: |
|
... Thanksgiving is the day when ... my mom, after six Bloody Marys, looks at the turkey and goes: "Here kitty, kitty" ... |
| From Uncle John's Quintessential Collection of Notable Quotations: For Every Occasion
|
| |
| Also See: Book Quotes Drinking Quotes Drug Quotes Family Quotes Food Quotes Mother Quotes Talk Show Quotes Thanksgiving Quotes |
|
| Homer Simpson: |
|
... kids, this is the holiest night of the year, tomorrow is Father's Day, and that makes tonight, Father's Day Eve ... |
| From The Simpsons
|
| |
| Also See: Father Quotes Father's Day Quotes |
|
| Craig Ferguson: |
|
... my Father's mother was Irish, so I feel that St Patrick's Day is a day that I can ignore ... |
| From Late Show with David Letterman
|
| |
| Also See: Family Quotes Father Quotes Irish Quotes Mother Quotes Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Jon Stewart: |
|
... it's great to be someone's valentine until they realize you're dying from the inside ... |
| From The Daily Show
on February 11, 2002
|
| |
| Also See: Death Quotes Talk Show Quotes Valentine's Day Quotes |
|
| Roseanne: |
|
... nobody should be alone on Thanksgiving, except maybe Mom ... |
| From Roseanne
|
| |
| Also See: Family Quotes Mother Quotes Thanksgiving Quotes |
|
| Kurt Cobain: |
|
... where the bad folks go when they die, they don't go to heaven where the angels cry .... go to a lake of fire and fry, see them again till the 4th of July ... |
| From Lake of Fire (Nirvana's MTV Unplugged in New York Album)
|
| |
| Also See: Death Quotes Music Quotes |
|
| Seth Meyers: |
|
... today is Veterans Day, so it won't affect anyone in the White House ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
|
| Howard Stern: |
|
... [Passover] it's basically Easter without Jesus ... |
| From Howard Stern Show
on April 8, 2009
|
| |
| Also See: Easter Quotes Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Alec Baldwin (Jack Donaghy): |
|
... passing out, and cursing, on St Patrick's Day ... is nothing sacred? |
| From 30 Rock
on March 12, 2009
|
| |
| Also See: Irish Quotes |
|
| Jimmy Kimmel: |
|
... my first guest has been my valentine 2 out the last 3 years, please say hello to Clay Aiken ... |
| From Jimmy Kimmel Live
on February 14, 2007
|
| |
| Also See: Music Quotes Talk Show Quotes Valentine's Day Quotes |
|
| Adam Brody (Seth Cohen): |
|
... is someone going overboard with this holiday [Valentine's Day]? |
| Kelly Rowan (Kirsten Cohen): |
|
... oh, like you're one to talk, Christmakkah anyone? |
| Peter Gallagher (Sandy Cohen): |
|
... well, at least that's a real holiday ... |
| Adam Brody: |
|
... tell her Dad ... |
| From The O.C.
|
| |
| Also See: Christmas Quotes Valentine's Day Quotes |
|
| Peter Gallagher (Sandy Cohen): |
|
... Valentine's Day is not a holiday, Rosh Hashanah, that's a holiday, Memorial Day, yes a holiday ... you know who invented Valentines day? |
| Kelly Rowan (Kirsten Cohen): |
|
... St Valentine? |
| Peter Gallagher: |
|
... Hersheys and Hallmark... |
| From The O.C.
|
| |
| Also See: Valentine's Day Quotes |
|
| Peter Robbins (Charlie Brown): |
|
... I know nobody likes me, why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it ... |
| From A Charlie Brown Christmas
|
|
| Vince Vaughn (Fred Claus): |
|
... have you ever thought about Santa Claus? |
| Bobb'e J. Thompson (Slam): |
|
... not really ... |
| Vince Vaughn: |
|
... the guy's in a big red suit, flying around on reindeer, because he craves the spotlight, he's a fame junkie, the guy's a clown, he's a megalomaniac ... |
| From Fred Claus
|
| |
| Also See: Christmas Quotes Movie Quotes Santa Claus Quotes |
|
| Vince Vaughn (Fred Claus): |
|
... I think it is absolutely amazing, to think he [Santa Claus] can fly around to a million houses in one night, breaking and entering ... scaring little children while they're sleeping, steal all the food, eat the littke kids' cookies and stuff like that, I mean its a phenomenal occurance, and I get jacked out of my mind just thinking about all those laws being broken ... |
| From Fred Claus
|
| |
| Also See: Christmas Quotes Food Quotes Movie Quotes Santa Claus Quotes Scary Quotes |
|
| Lisa Lampanelli: |
|
... "Holiday Play" ... cause we can't call it Christmas play no more, cause you Jews got jealous of us ... and made up Hanukka to screw with us ... |
| From Lisa Lampanelli: Dirty Girl
|
| |
| Also See: Christmas Quotes |
|
| Jon Stewart: |
|
... Valentine's Day is often times a, well it is a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything ... |
| From The Daily Show
on February 14, 2005
|
| |
| Also See: Talk Show Quotes Valentine's Day Quotes |
|
| Hugh Laurie (Dr. Gregory House): |
|
... I want to drive them apart ... |
| Robert Sean Leonard (Dr. James Wilson): |
|
... with gift giving? |
| Hugh Laurie: |
|
... conflict is built in to the name, Santa is about sharing and Secret is about withholding ... |
| From House M.D.
|
| |
| Also See: Christmas Quotes Santa Claus Quotes |
|
| John Caponera: |
|
... who knew the pilgrims liked football so much ... |
| From Comedy Time
|
| |
| Also See: Football Quotes Sports Quotes Thanksgiving Quotes |
|
| Ellen DeGeneres: |
|
... I've never spent Vegas in, in for Thanksgiving, but I hear it's beautiful because all the hookers put their pumpkins out ... |
| From Ellen: The Ellen DeGeneres Show
on November 21, 2008
|
| |
| Also See: Food Quotes Talk Show Quotes Thanksgiving Quotes |
|
| Jon Stewart: |
|
... I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way ... I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land ... |
| From Unknown
|
| |
| Also See: Death Quotes Food Quotes Thanksgiving Quotes |
|
| Will Ferrell (Buddy): |
|
... we elves try to stick to the four main food groups, candy, candy cane, candy corn, and syrup ... |
| From Elf
|
| |
| Also See: Christmas Quotes Food Quotes Movie Quotes |
|
| Roseanne: |
|
... I'll get you more beer Dan, after all it is Thanksgiving, the day where I do everything and the rest of you sit around like Plymouth Rock ... |
| From Roseanne
|
| |
| Also See: Drug Quotes Food Quotes Thanksgiving Quotes |
|
| Sarah Chalke (Becky): |
|
... for once we can have a Thanksgiving where you don't have to yell and scream at everybody ... |
| Roseanne (Roseanne): |
|
... well, gee, you might as well take the carols right out of Christmas ... |
| From Roseanne
|
| |
| Also See: Christmas Quotes Music Quotes Thanksgiving Quotes |
|
| Will Durst: |
|
In San Francisco, Halloween is redundant. |
| From The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said
|
| |
| Also See: Book Quotes |
|
| Ellen Page (Juno): |
|
... she [Juno's Mom] lives on a Havasee reservation in Arizona with her new husband and 3 replacement kids ... oh and she inexplicably mails me a cactus every Valentine's Day, and I'm like, thanks a heap Coyote Ugly, your cactus-gram stings worse than your abandonment ... |
| From Juno
|
| |
| Also See: Family Quotes Mother Quotes Movie Quotes Valentine's Day Quotes |
|
| Evan Esar: |
|
Father's Day and Mother's Day are alike, except that on Father's Day you buy a much cheaper gift. |
| From 20,000 Quips & Quotes
|
| |
| Also See: Book Quotes Family Quotes Father Quotes Father's Day Quotes Mother Quotes Mother's Day Quotes |
|
| David Letterman: |
|
... if you're looking for the perfect Father's Day gift for an older dad, for an older dad ... how about Barbara Walters ... |
| From Late Show with David Letterman
on June 12, 2008
|
| |
| Also See: Family Quotes Father Quotes Father's Day Quotes Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Julie Kavner (Marge Simpson): |
|
... I invited Selma here to watch Grampa watch the kids ... |
| Julie Kavner (Selma Bouvier): |
|
... for some reason she doesn't trust him, maybe its the bang up job he did raising you ... |
| Homer Simpson: |
|
... he was a great dad, every year he got so mad when Santa didn't bring me presents ... |
| From The Simpsons
|
| |
| Also See: Christmas Quotes Family Quotes Father Quotes Marge Simpson Quotes Santa Claus Quotes |
|
| Kal Penn (Kutner): |
|
... who's that [present] from? |
| Hugh Laurie (Dr. Gregory House): |
|
... Santa, obviously ... cause you know I worship him, oh wait, do I mean Satan, I always get them confused ... |
| From House M.D.
|
| |
| Also See: Christmas Quotes Santa Claus Quotes |
|
| Rachael Ray: |
|
... oh my gravy ... |
| From Rachael Ray Show
on February 14, 2007
|
| |
| Also See: Food Quotes Talk Show Quotes Valentine's Day Quotes |
|
| Will Ferrell (Buddy): |
|
... you stink, you smell like beef and cheese, you don't smell like Santa ... |
| From Elf
|
| |
| Also See: Christmas Quotes Food Quotes Movie Quotes Santa Claus Quotes |
|
| Lisa Kudrow (Phoebe Buffay): |
|
... ooh, you got the bigger half [of the wishbone], what did you wish for? |
| Matt LeBlanc (Joey Tribbiani): |
|
... the bigger half ... |
| From Friends
|
| |
| Also See: Food Quotes Thanksgiving Quotes |
|
| James Lafferty (Nathan Scott): |
|
... what else did you tell him? |
| Antwon Tanner (Skills): |
|
... not much, just the truth ... |
| James Lafferty: |
|
... like? |
| Antwon Tanner: |
|
... like, the Man killed Tupac and Biggie, never date girl's named Bevin, and Santa Claus is black ... |
| James Lafferty: |
|
... wow, say anything about the Easter Bunny? |
| Antwon Tanner: |
|
... a bunny that lay eggs, man, you know how many questions he would ask about that? |
| From One Tree Hill
|
| |
| Also See: Christmas Quotes Death Quotes Easter Quotes Relationship Quotes Santa Claus Quotes |
|
| Evan Esar: |
|
... if at first you do not recede, diet and diet again ... |
| From Crossword Puzzle
on February 14, 2008
|
| |
| Also See: 20,000 Quips & Quotes Quotes Valentine's Day Quotes |
|
| Lewis Black: |
|
... it's time for Valentine's Day, the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone ... |
| From The Daily Show
on February 19, 1999
|
| |
| Also See: Talk Show Quotes Valentine's Day Quotes |
|
| Topher Grace (Eric Forman): |
|
... Daddy, be my Valentine ... |
| Kurtwood Smith (Red Forman): |
|
... do I have to hit you ... go to your room ... |
| From That '70s Show
|
| |
| Also See: Family Quotes Father Quotes Valentine's Day Quotes |
|
| Rachael Ray: |
|
... I can't bake, but I can blow dry ... |
| From Rachael Ray Show
on February 14, 2007
|
| |
| Also See: Talk Show Quotes Valentine's Day Quotes |
|
| Jon Stewart: |
|
... happy Valentine's Day, and if uh that is news to you, uhhh, my guess is you are alone ... |
| From The Daily Show
on February 14, 2005
|
| |
| Also See: Happy Quotes Talk Show Quotes Valentine's Day Quotes |
|
| Greg Giraldo: |
|
... I got a Valentine's Day card from my Grandmother, how ridiculous is that ... we stopped having sex years ago ... |
| From Unknown
|
| |
| Also See: Family Quotes Sex Quotes Valentine's Day Quotes |
|
| Norm MacDonald: |
|
... Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year ... hey, happy birthday Jesus, hope you like crap ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
| |
| Also See: Birthday Quotes Christmas Quotes Happy Quotes |
|
| Jon Stewart: |
|
... don't confuse it [Father's Day] with Valentine's Day, and here's why ... boy will you creep him out ... uh I can just tell you from last year, uh, even if they do like chocolate, they don't want it from their son ... |
| From The Daily Show
on June 5, 2002
|
| |
| Also See: Family Quotes Father Quotes Father's Day Quotes Food Quotes Talk Show Quotes Valentine's Day Quotes |
|
| Peter Robbins (Charlie Brown): |
|
... I think there must be something wrong with me Linus, Christmas is coming, but I'm not happy, I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel ... just another dang Christmas I guess, I like getting presents, and sending Christmas cards, and decorating the tree and all that but I'm still not happy, I always end up getting depressed ... |
| Christopher Shea (Linus): |
|
... Charlie brown, you're the only person I know who can take a wonderful gaping white Christmas and turn it into a problem, maybe you shouldn't gripe, of all the Charlie Browns in the world you are the Charlie Brownest ... |
| From A Charlie Brown Christmas
|
| |
| Also See: Christmas Quotes Happy Quotes |
|
| Santa Claus: |
|
... merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night ... |
| From The Night Before Christmas
|
| |
| Also See: Book Quotes Christmas Quotes Famous Quotes |
|
| Conan O'Brien: |
|
... this is The Last Christmas, this is a dark story of, of Santa ah, well it is a different ... |
| Brian Posehn: |
|
... well, its like you've seen before, its Santa after the apocalypse fighting zombies, we've all seen that ... |
| From Late Night with Conan O'Brien
|
| |
| Also See: Book Quotes Christmas Quotes Monster Quotes Santa Claus Quotes Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Artie Lange (Gimbel's Santa): |
|
... and ah what can I get you for Christmas ... |
| Will Ferrell (Buddy): |
|
... Paul, don't tell him what you want, he's a liar ... |
| Artie Lange: |
|
... let the kid talk ... |
| Will Ferrell: |
|
... you disgust me, how can you live with yourself? |
| Artie Lange: |
|
... just cool it zippy ... |
| Will Ferrell: |
|
... you sit on a throne of lies ... |
| Artie Lange: |
|
... look, I'm not kidding ... |
| Will Ferrell: |
|
... you're a fake ... |
| Artie Lange: |
|
... I'm a fake? |
| Will Ferrell: |
|
... yes ... |
| Artie Lange: |
|
... how'd you like to be dead? |
| From Elf
|
| |
| Also See: Christmas Quotes Death Quotes Movie Quotes Santa Claus Quotes |
|
| Edward Asner (Santa): |
|
... the paparazzi have been trying to nail me for years ... |
| From Elf
|
| |
| Also See: Christmas Quotes Movie Quotes Santa Claus Quotes |
|
| Kevin Spacey (Lloyd Chasseur): |
|
... you know what Ma, you know what I am going to get you next Christmas, a big wooden cross, this way the next time you feel unappreciated, you climb on up on it and nail yourself to it ... |
| From The Ref
|
| |
| Also See: Christmas Quotes Family Quotes Movie Quotes |
|
| Mike Myers (Shrek): |
|
... smelly Christmas to all, and to all a gross night ... |
| From Shrek the Halls
|
| |
| Also See: Christmas Quotes |
|
| Matt LeBlanc (Joey Tribbiani): |
|
... where's that turkey? |
| Lisa Kudrow (Phoebe Buffay): |
|
... hey, those are my maturnity pants ... |
| Matt LeBlanc: |
|
... nah nah, these are my Thanksgiving pants ... |
| From Friends
|
| |
| Also See: Food Quotes Pregnant Quotes Thanksgiving Quotes |
|
| Jack Handey: |
|
... I think the best Thanksgiving we ever had was one where we didn't even have a turkey ... Mom and Dad sat us kids down and explained that business hadn't been good at Dad's store, so we couldn't afford a turkey ... we had vegetables and bread and pie, and it was just fine ... later on I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom to thank them and I caught them eating a little turkey ... I guess that really wasn't the best Thanksgiving ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
| |
| Also See: Best Quotes Family Quotes Father Quotes Food Quotes Mother Quotes Thanksgiving Quotes |
|
| Howard Stern: |
|
... as you leave tonight, this fine audience, like Santa Clause, like the white Oprah, I bring you Howard TV for a year, all of you will have a free subscription ... |
| From Late Night with Conan O'Brien
|
| |
| Also See: Christmas Quotes Oprah Winfrey Quotes Santa Claus Quotes Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Leslie Bibb (Carley Bobby): |
|
... sweety ... Jesus did grow up, you don't always have to call him baby, its a bit odd and all praying to a baby ... |
| Will Ferrell (Ricky Bobby): |
|
... well, I like the Christmas Jesus best, and I am saying grace ... when you say grace, you can say it to Grown-up Jesus or Teenage Jesus or Bearded Jesus or whoever you want ... |
| From Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
|
| |
| Also See: Christmas Quotes Movie Quotes |
|
| Mitch Hedberg: |
|
... severed foot is an ultimate stocking stuffer ... |
| From Unknown
|
| |
| Also See: Christmas Quotes Scary Quotes |
|
| Will Ferrell (Buddy): |
|
... this place [the mailroom] reminds me of Santa's workshop except it smells like mushrooms and everyone looks like they want to hurt me ... |
| From Elf
|
| |
| Also See: Christmas Quotes Food Quotes Movie Quotes Santa Claus Quotes |
