| Dane Cook (Charlie): |
|
... Gandhi was Indian ... |
| Dan Fogler (Stu): |
|
... they don't like to be called that ... |
| From Good Luck Chuck |
| |
| Also See: Movie Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook (Tank): |
|
... you're what we call a 2 bagger, ok, that means that I have to wear a bag on my head just in case the one on yours breaks ... |
| From My Best Friend's Girl |
| |
| Also See: Movie Quotes Sex Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I would watch Newlyweds and just put my hand over Nick [Lachey] ... |
| From Howard Stern Show on November 4, 2009
|
| |
| Also See: Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook (Zack): |
|
... you know what they say Vince, it ain't over till your mama sings ... |
| From Employee of the Month |
| |
| Also See: Family Quotes Mother Quotes Movie Quotes Music Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook (Tank): |
|
... you can't go in there crazy like a dragon with a hemorrhoid ... |
| From My Best Friend's Girl |
| |
| Also See: Crazy Quotes Movie Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook (Charlie): |
|
... don't look at me in that tone of voice ... |
| From Good Luck Chuck |
| |
| Also See: Movie Quotes |
|
| Howard Stern: |
|
... what's with this you never having a drink? |
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I look at Artie and feel he is me in another dimension ... |
| From Howard Stern Show on November 4, 2009
|
| |
| Also See: Artie Lange Quotes Drinking Quotes Drug Quotes Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... ah, what am I suppose to say to an atheist when he sneezes, ah, when you die nothing happens ... |
| From Dane Cook: Vicious Circle on HBO |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I want venom ... |
| From Comedy Central Presents |
| |
| Also See: Harmful If Swallowed Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I'm not racist, I've got a black president ... |
| From Dane Cook: ISolated INcident |
|
| Hilary Pingle (Claire): |
|
... I just had a child ... |
| Dane Cook (Tank): |
|
... well congratulations, I'm sure he was probably delicious, it looks like you downed the whole thing ... |
| From My Best Friend's Girl |
| |
| Also See: Food Quotes Movie Quotes |
|
| Robert Kelly: |
|
... [Dane Cook] his coat tails are so soft and cuddly... |
| From The Opie and Anthony Show on April 27, 2009
|
| |
| Also See: Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... it really drives me banana sangwich ... |
| From Comedy Central Bar Mitzvah Bash |
| |
| Also See: Food Quotes Retaliation Quotes |
|
| Riki Lindhome (Hilary): |
|
... you're like the anti-Cupid ... |
| Dane Cook (Tank): |
|
... more like the anti-Christ ... |
| From My Best Friend's Girl |
| |
| Also See: Love Quotes Movie Quotes Valentine's Day Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... that would be great if that was a real cereal ... start your day off the holy way with Christ Chex ... its a miracle in a bowl ... |
| From Comedy Central Presents |
| |
| Also See: Food Quotes Harmful If Swallowed Quotes |
|
| Kate Hudson (Alexis): |
|
... my parents hate you ... |
| Dane Cook (Tank): |
|
... but, they'll come around ... except your mother ... and your dad ... |
| From My Best Friend's Girl |
| |
| Also See: Family Quotes Father Quotes Mother Quotes Movie Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I would love to have acidy spit ... |
| From Comedy Central Presents |
| |
| Also See: Harmful If Swallowed Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... every guy here would love to have a monkey ... |
| From Retaliation |
| |
| Also See: Love Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... how do you fall into a lion's den, that is my first question there, you think you would be extra carefull around a den of lions ... |
| From The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson |
| |
| Also See: Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook (Mitch Burns): |
|
... I know what the secret ingredient is ... love ... |
| From Dan in Real Life |
| |
| Also See: Cute Quotes Love Quotes Movie Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook (Mitch Burns): |
|
... dude, is there a rock on her left hand? |
| Steve Carell (Dan Burns): |
|
... uh, no, not yet ... |
| Dane Cook: |
|
... then all is fair ... |
| From Dan in Real Life |
| |
| Also See: Movie Quotes Relationship Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... just grab a bowl [of Eucharists] and run home, add milk, like, you know ... eat it like Christ Chex ... |
| From Comedy Central Presents |
| |
| Also See: Food Quotes Harmful If Swallowed Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I'm dating a younger sexier crowd ... |
| From Retaliation |
| |
| Also See: Relationship Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... its a plastic bag you idiot, why don't you just suffocate me with a wicker basket while you're at it ... |
| From The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn |
| |
| Also See: Death Quotes Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I went to the dmv, or as I like to call it, Satan's ***hole ... |
| From Comedy Central Presents |
| |
| Also See: Harmful If Swallowed Quotes |
|
| Jay Thomas: |
|
... we're trying to figure out why he's [Dane Cook] funny ... |
| From Jay Thomas Show |
| |
| Also See: Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... when you get hit by a car sometimes your shoes will fly off, sometimes your pants will come off, but I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion ... |
| From Retaliation |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I wish I were a snake ... |
| From Comedy Central Presents |
| |
| Also See: Harmful If Swallowed Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I can't wait to get Nick's [DiPaolo's] new comedy album, its called stop me if you heard this in junior high school ... |
| From Comedy Central Roast of Denis Leary |
| |
| Also See: Harmful If Swallowed Quotes Retaliation Quotes School Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I'm going to hell, ahhhhh ... but you're laughing, so you're coming ... |
| From Comedy Central Presents |
| |
| Also See: Harmful If Swallowed Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... here's how you know, that you're really drunk ... I figured it out ... when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time ... |
| From Comedy Central Presents |
| |
| Also See: Drinking Quotes Drug Quotes Harmful If Swallowed Quotes |
|
| Dan Fogler (Dr. Stu Kaminsky): |
|
... she's angry, rude, and she smells bad ... in addition to back acne, she's got, front acne and side acne ... you see that glass of water there, she keeps her teeth in that glass ... |
| Dane Cook (Dr. Charlie Logan): |
|
... so you're saying that she's single ... |
| From Good Luck Chuck |
| |
| Also See: Movie Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... if you're saying what are penguins like, they're a bit persnickety, I'll say that ... um, thank you, I have a thesaurus in my house ... |
| From Jimmy Kimmel Live on September 20, 2007
|
| |
| Also See: Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... Denis, let me ask you a question, seriously seeing all these great comedians here tonight, it reminds me of a philosophical question, if I may propose this, if a comic tells a joke, and no one is there to hear it, is Nick DiPaolo on stage? |
| From Comedy Central Roast of Denis Leary |
| |
| Also See: Retaliation Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... sometimes I like a dancing plethora of cheese in my mouth, and then other times I am into a more solo cheese adventure, just a single one on one, me and one cheese ... |
| From Retaliation |
| |
| Also See: Food Quotes |
|
| Artie Lange: |
|
... Dane Cook is a phenomenon ... |
| From Howard Stern Show on December 4, 2007
|
| |
| Also See: Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... Colin Quinn ladies and gentlemen, Colin Quinn ... Colin, you started off your career on the game show Remote Control, isn't it, yeah ... yeah, isn't it, isn't it ironic that that's what most of America reaches for when your new show is on ... |
| From Comedy Central Roast of Denis Leary |
| |
| Also See: Harmful If Swallowed Quotes Retaliation Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I like the mocha cappuccino orgasm myself ... |
| From The Tonight Show on October 25, 2007
|
| |
| Also See: Food Quotes Sex Quotes Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like to be outside past the lips ... |
| From Retaliation |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... lot of Boston guys here tonight, Denis [Leary], we've got Lenny Clarke, we've got Nick [DiPaolo], Mario [Cantone], who knew Red Sox's curse affected comedians' careers ... |
| From Comedy Central Roast of Denis Leary |
| |
| Also See: Baseball Quotes Boston Red Sox Quotes Harmful If Swallowed Quotes Retaliation Quotes Sports Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook (Charlie Logan): |
|
... what's sex without love? |
| Dan Fogler (Stu Kaminsky): |
|
... sex ... it's still sex! |
| From Good Luck Chuck |
| |
| Also See: Love Quotes Movie Quotes Sex Quotes |
|
| Nick DiPaolo: |
|
... he [Dane Cook] doesn't make me laugh, but that doesn't mean he is not funny ... |
| From Howard Stern Show on January 3, 2008
|
| |
| Also See: Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Jay Leno: |
|
... how about kids ... you want, you want kids? |
| Dane Cook: |
|
... do I want to have kids ... ah, I want to have sex ... if that's the excuse, sure ... |
| From The Tonight Show on October 25, 2007
|
| |
| Also See: Family Quotes Sex Quotes Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... when you don't have love, it is like there's a party going on and everybody was invited except for you ... and you just happen to walk by that house in the rain ... |
| From Retaliation |
| |
| Also See: Love Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... Kiefer Sutherland, how you doing, how you doing, good to see you ... I've got a, I've got a great plot idea for your show this coming season, you've got 24 hours to resurrect your film career ... |
| From Comedy Central Roast of Denis Leary |
| |
| Also See: Harmful If Swallowed Quotes Movie Quotes Retaliation Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... the thing about the penguins, ah Jimmy, is that, ah, is they they ah they crap when they want to ... |
| Jimmy Kimmel: |
|
... mm hmm ... |
| Dane Cook: |
|
... they're much like horses, they'll just walk around, they don't even, they won't even look you in the eye, they just kinda do it, and ah, but its acutally funny, because that's what [Jessica] Alba does as well ... |
| From Jimmy Kimmel Live on September 20, 2007
|
| |
| Also See: Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... that Dane Cook is a silly bitch ... |
| From Dane Cook: Rough Around the Edges at MSG on November 18, 2007
|
| |
| Also See: Retaliation Quotes |
|
| Jay Leno: |
|
... you have like 2 million friends on MySpace ... |
| Dane Cook: |
|
... that's true, some people out here, my friends ... |
| Jay Leno: |
|
... how do you do that, I mean 2 million ... |
| Dane Cook: |
|
... that's a lot of time spent sitting in your underwear eating Froot Loops, clicking accept over and over again ... |
| From The Tonight Show on October 25, 2007
|
| |
| Also See: Food Quotes Friendship Quotes MySpace Quotes Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Jimmy Kimmel: |
|
... Jessica Alba is certainly a a very really lovely woman ... |
| Dane Cook: |
|
... if you are into that ... I kinda think she's a pirate's wife, myself ... |
| From Jimmy Kimmel Live on September 20, 2007
|
| |
| Also See: Pirate Quotes Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... Burger King, or the BK Lounge as I like to call it ... |
| From Retaliation |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I was sweating like Shaq at the foul line ... |
| From Dane Cook: Rough Around the Edges at MSG on November 18, 2007
|
| |
| Also See: Basketball Quotes Shaquille O'Neal Quotes Sports Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... they used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up ... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus ... |
| From The Tonight Show on October 25, 2007
|
| |
| Also See: School Quotes Talk Show Quotes |
|
| John C. McGinley (Dr. Perry Cox): |
|
... so, if you want to solve a real mystery, go ahead and figure out who's taking my NY Times every Sunday, or, better yet, how about why anybody on the planet actually thinks Dane Cook is funny ... |
| From Scrubs |
|
| Jay Leno: |
|
... now, do you believe in the concept of marriage, are you a marriage guy? |
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I do believe in the concept of marriage ... |
| Jay Leno: |
|
... in the concept ... |
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I would like to keep my a ceremony very small, very intimate, I don't believe in an ostantacious wedding, because I want to save my money for the divorce ... |
| Jay Leno: |
|
... you want to plan ahead ... |
| From The Tonight Show on October 25, 2007
|
| |
| Also See: Relationship Quotes Talk Show Quotes Wedding Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... the Cost [Kevin Costner], one of the greatest guys I have ever met ah, he's a, you know Costner Professional, I learned so much about acting, ah, he's a handsome man, banged a lot of broads, probably has Herpes, ah ... |
| Jimmy Kimmel: |
|
... really? |
| Dane Cook: |
|
... yeah I saw a little blue pill fall out of his pocket but, you know, in all fairness it could've been a chewable Flintstone vitamin ... |
| From Jimmy Kimmel Live on September 20, 2007
|
| |
| Also See: Drug Quotes Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... and then you go like this, "is that too much?" ... oh no no, ahh, my hopes was that after we left the theatre you'd be obese ... are you sure you don't want anything else you big fat fatty? |
| From Unknown |
| |
| Also See: Food Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I don't like when juice wears tights, its a horrible combination when juce wears tights ... |
| From Harmful If Swallowed |
| |
| Also See: Food Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... so Johnny tamborine is walking down the street ... |
| From Retaliation |
|
| David Koechner (Dan): |
|
... allright men, this is it, the time has come, remember product, pride, portion consciousness, zero hour is upon us, let us sieze the day ...
|
| Dane Cook (Floyd): |
|
... yeah, yeah, carpe deez nuts, God I can't wait to quit this job ... |
| From Waiting ... |
| |
| Also See: Inspirational Quotes Movie Quotes |
|
| Jimmy Kimmel: |
|
... now well you've done movies now with both Jessica Simpson and Jessica Alba ... |
| Dane Cook: |
|
... that is true, and Jessica Biel ... |
| Jimmy Kimmel: |
|
... and Jessica Biel ... |
| Dane Cook: |
|
... yes ... |
| Jimmy Kimmel: |
|
... which is your favorite Jessica? |
| Dane Cook: |
|
... ah, I think my next one we're gonna CGI Jessica Tandy back to life ... |
| Jimmy Kimmel: |
|
... is that right? ... and so she will then certainly be your favorite ... |
| From Jimmy Kimmel Live on September 20, 2007
|
| |
| Also See: Movie Quotes Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Lisa Lampanelli: |
|
... you [Pat Cooper] make Jerry Lewis look like Dane Cook ... |
| From Howard Stern Show on September 6, 2007
|
| |
| Also See: Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I don't like it when you open your mouth and its like a battle of epic proportions going on ... |
| From Retaliation |
|
| Luis Guzmán (Raddimus): |
|
... 5 second rule, the 5 second rule ... |
| Skyler Stone (Cook #1): |
|
... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... |
| Dane Cook (Floyd): |
|
... there it is ... |
| Luis Guzmán: |
|
... a little slow spice makes everything nice, there you go ... |
| Dane Cook: |
|
... damn man, we almost had to switch to the 10 second rule ... |
| From Waiting ... |
| |
| Also See: Food Quotes Movie Quotes |
|
| Luis Guzmán (Raddimus): |
|
... that's Floyd ... Floyd! |
| Dane Cook (Floyd): |
|
... welcome to Thunderdome, bitch ... |
| From Waiting ... |
| |
| Also See: Movie Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorate cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers ... |
| From Retaliation |
|
| Artie Lange: |
|
... Dane Cook I found out recently is a work horse, he doesn't drink ... |
| Bob Saget: |
|
... he is your antithesis, he is changing his name to Artie 180 ... |
| From Howard Stern Show on August 23, 2007
|
| |
| Also See: Drug Quotes Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... Slip 'N Slide, yeah ... it would have been fun if Dad checked for rocks before he put it down ... Slip 'N Bleed From the Anus they should have called this ride ... |
| From Harmful If Swallowed |
| |
| Also See: Family Quotes Father Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... Jesus Christ, Timmy ... don't float above me when I am dying in the abyss ... |
| From Harmful If Swallowed |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I'm fine, I am just going to go over here and puke shards of my own pelvis into this bush ... |
| From Retaliation |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... has anyone seen my shoes? I kicked them off in a fit of joy ... |
| From Retaliation |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... he got the not a good time to cross signal ... |
| From Retaliation |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... when you see somebody walking down the street wearing a Superman t-shirt, you just want to shoot them in the chest ... when they start to bleed go, "I guess not" ... |
| From Retaliation |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... oh its a blasty blast, you gotta try it ... |
| From Unknown |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... now I love this question, I love this question, the guy's going to look at you, he's gonna go, "umm, do you need a box?"
... ahh, no, I would like to make 9 trips, like I'm a chu chu train ... |
| From Unknown |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I love the movies, I don't even call them the movies, I call them cinematic adventures ... |
| From Unknown |
| |
| Also See: Movie Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school ... |
| From Late Night with Conan O'Brien on June 15, 2006
|
| |
| Also See: School Quotes Sports Quotes Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Jimmy Kimmel: |
|
... unbelievable names on the list [The Time 100 - The People Who Shape Our World] ... |
| Dane Cook: |
|
... yeah its funny, when that actually came out I was actually playing dominos with Bono and Condoleezza Rice ... we all looked at each other, we were like "who knew?" |
| From Jimmy Kimmel Live on May 26, 2006
|
| |
| Also See: Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I say God bless you, I don't say bless you ... I am not the Lord, I can't do that ... |
| From Dane Cook: Vicious Circle at MSG on November 12, 2006
|
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I eat the euchrist, or the crouton of Christ ... |
| From Dane Cook: Vicious Circle at MSG on November 12, 2006
|
| |
| Also See: Food Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... let's do this ... I'm a cashew ... |
| From Retaliation |
| |
| Also See: Food Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I was literally cheated on, I woke up and they were on top of me ... |
| From Dane Cook: Vicious Circle on HBO on September 4, 2006
|
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... since back in the day, which was a Wednesday, by the way ... |
| From Dane Cook: Vicious Circle on HBO on September 4, 2006
|
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... it is a pitch I call crap where I didn't want it to go ... |
| From Late Night with Conan O'Brien on June 15, 2006
|
| |
| Also See: Sports Quotes Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... If somebody calls and messes with you on the phone like that you don't become terrified, you mess back ... If somebody calls and was like "have you checked the children?" I'd be like "I killed them!" |
| From Unknown |
| |
| Also See: Death Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... he was hit by a Dodge ... which I found funny and ironic ... |
| From Retaliation |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... when you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true ... |
| From Jimmy Kimmel Live on November 4, 2005
|
| |
| Also See: Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... if a chaloopa is attacking you, ahhhh ... just open your mouth, and just let it ... |
| From Jimmy Kimmel Live on November 4, 2005
|
| |
| Also See: Food Quotes Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I have a new saying, what I see in vegas, I am telling everybody ... |
| From Unknown |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... it is the button on the top right where it has always been ... since the beginning of photography ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live) |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... and you can quote me on the quote unquote ... |
| From Unknown |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... I don't know if I could kill someone with a frozen turkey because that is a lot of evidence to eat .... unless I found a whole room of people who also wanted that person dead ... |
| From The Tonight Show on November 24, 2005
|
| |
| Also See: Death Quotes Food Quotes Talk Show Quotes |
